A guide to the 2023-24 Celtics for dummies

It’s February 19. The NFL’s season just came to a close with the Kansas City Chiefs winning Super Bowl 58.

Why is that important?

Well, there’s a fairly large chunk of football fans who will be tuning into their first Celtics game of the season… in February. Now, this happens every year. These people bust in, watch a few games, and then make their feelings known on Twitter/X.

If this is you, then you’ve come to the right place. I’ve compiled all of the information that you need to come into your newfound fandom with a decent head on your shoulders and not be the absolute worst.

I’ll run through some FAQs about this season to help you get up to speed.

So…

Get ready to watch the Celtics, buddy.

How are the Celtics doing?

They’re nasty, dude. As of now, they’re head and shoulders above the rest of the Eastern Conference with a record of 43-12, six games above the second-place Cleveland Cavaliers.

They’ve grown to be good at home again, after a few seasons riddled with disappointing playoff losses at TD Garden. Boston is a league-best 26-3 on their home floor.

Personally, I can tell you that this is the most confident that I’ve felt in the Cs in quite some time. Based on vibes alone, there’s far less angst anytime they build up a lead or if they find themselves in a close game. Last Sunday’s win at Miami is a perfect example of how they’ve bettered themselves in that respect. Despite shots not falling down the stretch, Boston managed to close out the game by buckling down to get stops and out-hustle the Heat.

Who is the new coach?

Joe Mazzulla is still the coach of the Celtics.

They didn’t fire him after last season?

No. He’s actually been pretty good this season, too. For starters, he’s come out of his shell a bit with the media, displaying more of his movie-loving personality. More importantly, he’s done a great job of instilling a day-by-day mindset into his team to keep them locked in throughout the long season. Sounds a lot like your boy Bill Belichick, doesn’t it?

As far as the Xs and Os go, Mazzulla has shown some creativity. We’ve seen him experiment with different defenses throughout the season. For example, he’s used Jrue Holiday to defend the opposing team’s most dominant paint presence (guys like Giannis Antetokounmpo, Joel Embiid, and even Julius Randle) and it’s gone pretty well.

He’s also been able to implement a healthy dosage of post-ups into his team’s offense, which has proven to be a new way to put pressure on defenses in a more controlled manner. Of course, having the seven-foot-three Kristaps Porzingis makes this all a bit easier. But, Jayson Tatum has also been a key part of the team’s presence in the low post.

And no, he still hasn’t started calling more timeouts.

Cry louder.

How are the new guys doing?

They rule.

Both Porzingis and Holiday have been excellent so far in their respective roles.

When healthy, Porzingis has become a staple of Boston’s offense, providing them with a new layer of attack in the low post, while also being a reliable three-point shooter. Despite missing 15 of Boston’s 55 games, he’s playing the most efficient basketball of his career, shooting a career-high 53.1% from the field. The big man has been a seamless fit within the team both on and off the court.

He and Jaylen Brown have become great friends. The two live in the same building, ride to and from games together, have adopted the “Cookies and Cream” nickname, and have developed a tremendous chemistry between the lines.

On top of all of that, he’s proven to be a tremendous paint presence on the defensive end. His extensive length and size have made him a true obstacle for opposing players. Porzingis is averaging 1.9 blocks per game and has been the final line of defense for this year’s Celtics team.

Speaking of defense, Holiday has also been a seamless fit with the Cs in his first season in green. Again, he’s shown a unique ability to pick up some of the prominent opposing paint scorers and has made things tough on those guys with his quick hands.

However, the most eye-opening part of his game has been offense. Yes, he’s averaging his lowest amount of points per game since he was a rookie in 2009-10 and is taking his fewest amount of shots since then as well.

Despite that, he’s been absolute nails for the Celtics when they need him to be. Holiday is shooting a career-high 44% from beyond the arc. He’s even better from the corner where he drills 63.8% of his long-range attempts. Holiday’s ability to knock down threes at such a high rate is extremely important for the team’s spacing on offense.

TLDR: He’s been Marcus Smart, but is shooting almost 44% from three.

The new guys that you might not know.

Aside from Holiday and Porzingis, the Celtics do have some other new faces.

The most prominent of which is Oshae Brissett, a vlogging six-foot-seven forward who leaves it all on the floor.

That’s right, vlogging. Brissett has made several YouTube videos about his time in Boston so far. If you’re interested, here’s his channel.

The Canadian hasn’t been playing every single night, but when he gets out there, he’s a lot of fun to watch. Plus, he’s shown that he can provide a spark and even flip a game on its head. His season debut came in the Oct. 27 home opener against Miami. It was a matchup that wasn’t going all that well for the hosts until Brissett checked in.

He immediately ripped down a pair of offensive rebounds to help spark a quick Celtic run. From that point on, the momentum remained with Boston and they took home the victory.

Neemias Queta is the other new face who has seen the most playing time this year. The Portuguese big man joined Boston over the summer from the Sacramento Kings and has given Luke Kornet a battle for the backup center spot. While Kornet is probably the most consistent of the two, Queta has shown that he can be super effective.

The problem is he’s either super effective, or he looks kind of lost on defense. The talent is there for sure, but he’s got some discipline to learn still. He is currently on a two-way contract, meaning that he spends time in Boston and also with their G-League affiliate in Maine. Under the conditions of the deal, he’s allowed to suit up in 50 total games for the NBA Celtics.

Other than those two, none of the other new Celtics have really seen much time so far this season. The sharpshooting Svi Mykhailiuk, rookie Jordan Walsh, and two-way newcomer Drew Peterson have all spent most of their minutes on the bench or in Maine.

What about the guys they traded for?

Yeah, Xavier Tillman and Jaden Springer joined the Cs last week at the NBA Trade Deadline. Both have yet to make their debuts and probably won’t until after the All-Star break.

But, Tillman is an exciting addition who will likely provide some reinforcement at the center spot in the postseason. With Porzingis being an injury risk and Al Horford simply being 37 years old, it wasn’t a bad idea to add someone who has competed in the playoffs before, with Memphis, and has shown that he can hang with players like Anthony Davis and Nikola Jokic.

Springer is a 21-year-old guard who brings a fire on the defensive end of the floor. Brad Stevens noted that he is someone who’s capable of playing in the playoffs due to the high amount of energy that he adds to the equation. His shortcomings come on the offensive side of the ball. Springer’s 21.6% mark from three-point range likely will make it difficult for him to crack Mazzulla’s rotation.

Who are the role players and why can they help the starting 5 win a title?

Kornet, Sam Hauser, and Payton Pritchard have all been excellent supporting pieces for the Celtics’ star-studded starting five/top six. All three of them have done a great job of doing exactly what is expected of them.

For Kornet, that expectation is solely to hold down the fort while Porzingis and Horford are taking a breather. The best way I can explain what he does is that you don’t want to notice that Kornet is on the floor. If you don’t notice him then he’s doing his job. If you notice him for a good reason then that’s just a bonus. It feels pretty rare that he is glaringly bad. He does a solid job on the glass, shoots 67.9% from the field, and averages a block per game.

Not bad.

For Hauser and Pritchard, the assignment is pretty simple.

Shoot all of the threes.

Both players are on the team to primarily give the Cs some added firepower on the perimeter. They’ve done just that. Hauser averages 8.1 points per game while shooting 41% from deep and Pritchard scores about 7.8 points per game on 37.3% from long range. Each of these guys has their own secondary skill as well.

Hauser has shown an improved defensive presence this season, consistently thwarting guys who try and attack him. Pritchard has stepped up as a secondary ball handler when he’s in the game. He has the skills to create shots for not only himself but also for his Celtic teammates. Fast PP’s 2.8 assists per game is tied for the fifth-most on the roster.

The answer to the “How can they help the team win a championship?” question is pretty simple. All three of these guys have a wide enough skillset to where they can affect the game without doing “their thing.”

For example, if Hauser is having a rough shooting night, his defense still makes him a worthy candidate for the minutes off of Boston’s bench.

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What the hell happened to Derrick White’s hair?

Yeah, so Derrick White is bald now… and he RULES.

White shaved his head over the summer and came back like a leveled-up Mario.

In his first season-and-a-half with the Celtics, White and his hair appeared in 108 games. He averaged 10.9 points, 3.5 assists, 0.8 blocks, and 0.7 steals per game while shooting 42.4% from the field and 35.4% from deep.

This season, without the hair, White has absolutely balled out. All of his numbers are up. He’s currently posting 15.6 points, 4.7 assists, 1.2 blocks, and a steal each game while sinking 46.2% of his attempts from the floor and 39.7% of those from distance.

It was pretty tough to miss, but there was a huge campaign to get him into the All-Star game. His play was so effective, despite not being overwhelmingly flashy, that he had national media members like JJ Redick pushing for him to get the nod.

While he didn’t head into Indiana for the festivities this weekend, White will almost certainly be named to the NBA’s All-Defensive first team this season. His play on that end of the floor has been truly special, and he has proven to be one of the best shot-blocking guards that we’ve seen in a while.

The Celtics’ season has been going just about as well as it possibly could be at this point. They’re top of the conference by a lot, haven’t had any serious injuries, and the supporting cast around Brown and Jayson Tatum has been fantastic.

Those guys have been great too, make no mistake, but everyone knows about them, you definitely didn’t need a reminder of how great they are, did you?