Sometimes you just have to lean into what you are and I’m an uncool dad who makes bad jokes and laughs more at them then the people around me. I’m at peace with that and it makes me happy. So with the NBA season fast approaching, I thought I’d use dad jokes as a way to preview the year ahead for the Boston Celtics. Hope you enjoy! And if you don’t, well, just know that I’m chuckling anyway.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
The Celtics are NBA Champions! That’s something that needed to be celebrated and cherished all summer long. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and by all accounts the team did as well.
Of course the start of this season wipes the board clear and everyone starts with zero wins and zero losses. None of last season’s accomplishments count toward the results for this year. Sure there’s perhaps some more confidence, but that can be a trap. There’s experience, but it can also lead to letting your guard down.
Joe Mazzulla’s job is to ensure that they stay focused on the task ahead. Winning a title is rare and extremely difficult. Winning again is even more rare and might be even harder. Thankfully, Joe is a nearly-unhinged monomaniac on a mission. I think he’s the best man for the job in this moment.
In fact, here’s what he said on the subject at Media Day:
“The world tries to keep you attached to the past. The world tries to keep you attached to your latest success or your latest failure, and that’s where people get stuck where they’re in — is attachment. And so it was a balance of, I can’t be attached to this past success. It would be the same as being attached to a past failure.”
How do you get a squirrel’s attention? Act like a nut.
Speaking of which, Mazzulla really is a lot of fun. In particular now that he’s proven that his methods produce results at the highest levels. With that level of vindication, we might see a whole new degree of zany quotes and antics from our head coach.
He loves wildlife analogies, would you put it past him to bring his team on an actual safari? Or have them swim with actual living sharks (preferably inside a shark cage, but you never know). And that little edge of “he might just be that crazy” might be what a coach needs to keep his team’s attention year after year.
Why are butter jokes so hard to make? Because there is no margarine for error.
The Celtics won the East by 14 games last year. But (continuing a theme) those wins don’t count for this year. The team often faced opponents in the postseason who were undermanned due to injuries. That’s not likely to happen again this year. In fact, most of the contenders in the East have loaded up and the injured stars have had a summer to heal up.
Porzingis is going to miss the first few months of the year. Horford is not getting any younger.
In my mind, the Celtics are still a level above the rest of the field, but that’s not a guarantee that the season will unfold the same way it did a year ago. Everyone’s tied for first place right now.
Did you hear about the guy who afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
This one goes out to all the longtime members of the Celtics that went through season after season of almost getting there. Tatum, Brown, Horford, and others experienced several Eastern Conference Championships without bringing home the Larry O’Brien trophy… until they did.
We thought that would put an end to the doubters and critics. But of course trolls don’t care about logic and proof when there are spicy hot takes to shoot off. Speaking of which…
My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” What a weird way to start a conversation…
There’s a fine line between using criticism for motivation and letting that criticism distract you from what is truly important. I think it is probably best to lump the “noise” all together and tune out the details. Don’t listen to what a talking head says on the screen. Listen to your coaching staff and trusted advisers.
I’m thinking specifically about Jayson Tatum here. I don’t want him chasing stats to capture whatever they call aura. I would rather see him double down on what he does well and lift the team in the hundreds of ways that he does that don’t always get noticed by everyone.
The same goes for Jaylen Brown. He proved a lot last season and got validation that, in some cases, he wasn’t even expecting (like say a Finals MVP). There’s always noise comparing him to Tatum, but he has to tune that out. Be the best Jaylen and keep showing them you are still getting better.
Why did the employee go work in stilts? He wanted a raise.
Cheers to all the Celtics that got well deserved new contracts or contract extensions this offseason. Get that money.
At some point that’s going to be a tremendous challenge for whoever is owning the team. But it is worth it for the chance at multiple titles.
Why are most people tired on April 1? They’ve just finished a 31-day March.
Just a reminder that every season is a marathon, not a sprint. So try not to overreact too much to early season results (good or bad). You’ll see things right away that are different but it takes some time to see if they are small sample size blips or legitimate trends.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth. He said it was acci-dental.
This just made me remember Derrick White getting a chipped tooth in the Finals. A reminder that he leaves it all on the floor for his team.
I talked to a poet who only wrote about wells. His stuff was deep.
Another look back to last year when Payton Pritchard had a knack for hitting half-court heaves at the end of quarters. Legend.
I will also use this to point out that the Celtics hit 3 pointers at a record pace last year and expect to continue that trend this year. Long live the longball.
What did the boy say to his fingers? I’m counting on you.
The center rotation is going to be interesting this year. Porzingis is going to miss the first couple of months (or so). The team will need to manage Horford’s minutes again. That means putting a lot of miles on Kornet, Tillman, and Queta.
I think they’ll be just fine with that group for large stretches of the season. And of course if you really need a win you can always go with Tatum at center (though I don’t want to overuse that option).
Just get us to the playoffs with reasonably good health and one of the top seeds.
Why do sweaters tend to hang out together? They’re pretty close-knit.
One of my favorite parts about the championship was the way the players and coaches lifted each other up. Everyone was so happy for Al Horford. Tatum and Brown were so excited for each other. The bench unit was pumped for each other (just see every Pritchard half-court heave).
I guess what I’m saying is …maybe the real banner was the friends we made along the way.
Feel free to share your own favorite dad jokes in the comments below!
