Celtics Hater Index: mid-season update

About five months ago, I brought you a masterpiece in hating. I went through and ranked every NBA team in terms of how much you, as a Celtics fan, should be rooting against them.

The original rankings were derived from scores across three different categories: historical, logistical, and the substance to any standing grudge.

Now that we’re at the All-Star break, I figured I’d revisit it and provide a slightly updated ranking (what else do we really have going on?). For this, I won’t have an explanation for every single franchise like I did back in September, but I’ll give some insight on some of the biggest movers.

The up-to-date Hater Index is as follows (Original rank in parentheses)

1. Lakers (1)
2. Heat (3)
3. Sixers (4)
4. Bucks (6)
5. Knicks (8)
6. Mavericks (7)
7. Warriors (2)
8. Pacers (28)
9. Cavaliers (9)
10. Clippers (5)
11. Hawks (11)
12. Rockets (12)
13. Raptors (13)
14. Bulls (14)
15. Nuggets (24)
16. Nets (15)
17. Timberwolves (25)
18. Magic (16)
19. Thunder (19)
20. Wizards (17)
21. Suns (18)
22. Kings (20)
23. Hornets (21)
24. Pelicans (22)
25. Trail Blazers (23)
26. Jazz (26)
27. Spurs (27)
28. Pistons (10)
29. Grizzlies (29)

We’ll start off towards the top and work our way down.

The Miami Heat

The Celtics have already played all three of their games against the Heat this year, winning out for a clean sweep. Despite that, Miami has gotten less likable. Former Heat captain Udonis Haslem is one of many former players who has started a podcast and he has done a great job in proving that not everyone who played in the NBA necessarily needs to be behind a microphone. Back in December, he and Mike Miller welcomed Miami center Bam Adebayo to the show. During his appearance, Adebayo detailed a story where Haslem denounced Bill Russell, one of the great Celtics and an even better person, prior to one of the playoff meetings between the two sides.

While Adebayo’s recollection of Haslem’s “F— Bill Russell” pregame speech is a major reason why the Heat are set to be mainstays towards the top of this list, the final regular-season meeting between Boston and Miami added more fuel to the fire. A Sunday matinee in Miami turned out to be quite scrappy. Heat sharpshooter Duncan Robinson got into it with Cs star Jaylen Brown, after the two got tangled up in the second half. Brown flung Robinson forward after being grabbed by the Miami wing.

After the altercation, there’s no doubt that any postseason meeting will have even more flare than usual.

The Milwaukee Bucks

This one will be pretty short, but, it feels like the Milwaukee Bucks have earned a more prominent spot on my list. Their standing as one of Boston’s true rivals was never a question. Now, it’s just become more apparent how unlikable their cast of characters is over there in Cheese Land.

Media darling Giannis Antetokoumpo isn’t looking like that likable superstar that he once was after the organization parted ways with head coach Adrian Griffin just 43 games into his first season in charge of the team. With a record of 30-13, the rookie coach and former Celtic had done a decent job. It wasn’t perfect. The team’s defense was lacking and they might’ve been underachieving after entering the season with sky-high expectations, but it didn’t feel as if Griffin deserved to be fired. In fact, it looked like Antetokounmpo may have been behind the team’s decision. There’s no glaring evidence of it, but that’s just how it feels…plus, they hired old friend Doc Rivers to lead them forward, which is annoying on another level.

I like Doc. I would prefer not to have to root against/trash him, I’d rather just appreciate him as the 2008 title-winning Celtics head coach. Now I can’t because the Bucks hired him.

Thanks a lot.

Other tidbits, Damian Lillard’s trade request was annoying and extremely drawn out all summer, so I’m soured on him, and I despise Giannis’ older brother Thanasis, who serves no other purpose than moral support.

The New York Knicks

I have an abnormal distaste for the New York Knicks. The franchise is considered historic despite having just two titles to its name. They’ve been irrelevant for the better part of 20 years but have still been prominently featured across national television slates, even in the down years.

Plus, there’s the narrative of “Oh, the league is better when the Knicks are good.”

Don’t tell me who to root for, thanks.

Now that they’re actually decent, there’s an extreme push for them to be taken seriously as contenders.

I would truly love to see them crash and burn.

BING BONG.

John Hefti-USA TODAY Sports

The Golden State Warriors

So, in the first edition of this ranking, I had the Golden State Warriors in the second slot, trailing only the Los Angeles Lakers. That was largely due to the fact that Boston, at the time, had the rights to Golden State’s first-round pick in the 2024 NBA Draft (top-four protected).

Days later, that pick was traded away to the Portland Trail Blazers in the deal that sent Jrue Holiday to the Cs. Now that there’s no compensation involved when it comes to praying on the Dubs’ downfall, their misfortune becomes a bit less sweet (though it’s still very real).

The Indiana Pacers

The Indiana Pacers have seen the largest shift in placement on this list. I entered the season in favor of seeing Tyrese Haliburton and the boys ball out. I wanted to see former Celtic Aaron Nesmith thrive in a larger role this year.

For what it’s worth, I still do.

I know there’s a large contingency of Cs fans who cannot stand Nesmith, so I am making their voices heard here. His chaotic, hustle-infused style of play left a bad taste in the mouths of Boston’s fanbase after multiple Celtics picked up ailments in games against Indy this year.

For example, he was responsible for my main man Kristaps Porzingis getting drilled in the eye back in January.

On top of the Nesmith angle here, Indiana has played the Celtics tough this year — tougher than anyone else. In fact, they’re the only team who can say that they’ve had multiple wins against the league-best Cs.

One of those came in the In-Season Tournament quarterfinals. Boston was denied a spot in Las Vegas (a game in which I had tickets for!) after an inspired win by the young Pacers.

I don’t dislike the group by any means, this is more of a “you now have my attention” ranking.

David Butler II-USA TODAY Sports

The Denver Nuggets, Minnesota Timberwolves, and Oklahoma City Thunder

I lumped this group all into one because they all climbed the list for the same reason.

They’re all Western Conference Contenders who have proven they can beat the Celtics. You could even throw the LA Clippers here too, but they technically fell down the ranks (because I’m not as mad about them ruining the Malcolm Brogdon-Porzingis trade).

I don’t dislike any of these teams at all. They’re all entertaining and have pretty likable cores, for the most part. All three of the losses that Boston has taken at the hands of this trio have been excellent games that went down to the wire.

Their ascension in the rankings is almost a pre-spite for if they find themselves in the NBA Finals against the Celtics.

Our Detroit Pistons

You read that right, our Detroit Pistons. I have adopted the Pistons for all of us this season. They are the NBA team that has brought me the most individual laughs throughout the course of this campaign.

Their record-losing-streak was must-see television. From the anticipation that came along with the “Is today the day that the Pistons finally win?” question to the sheer impact that the team’s horridness had on Wing Stop’s overall value, it was riveting stuff and gave us some of the best memes from this season.

On top of all of that, they gave the Celtics one of the best fights they’ve gotten all year with Boston’s home win streak on the line.

The old heads are going to hate this, but I see Detroit the same way that may see the Knicks, I just think it’s more fun when they’re good.

They’ve been bad for so long, that it’s kind of cruel to try and hate them. The poor guys haven’t been able to win a playoff game since 2008.

Yikes.

What do you think of the updated rankings? Who got too much hate? Who didn’t get enough?

Let me know in the replies. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!